Irish Jokes

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Irish Gas Attendant

Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new BMW into an Irish gas station.

An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is, "Top o' the morning to ya".

As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things my, son?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replied Tiger.

"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.

"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.

"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas working for BMW think of everything!"

Skin Transplant

A newly married Irish couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin from her body, so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable would have to come from his rear end.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

New Neighbours

A Waterford wife was keeping a close eye on her new neighbours. "They seem perfectly devoted to each other," she told her husband.

He kisses her every time he goes out and even blows kisses to her from the window. Why don't you do that?"

"I hardly know the woman"

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Other Irish and Ireland resources:

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Flights to Ireland
Ireland's national airline. Flight schedules and booking, company information, travel guides and links.

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A selection of self-catering properties that range from traditional thatched cottages to apartments. Locations, rates, and downloadable brochure.

Irish Language
A tax exempt, non-profit corporation based in Elberon, NJ, US, dedicated to the promotion and teaching of the Irish language.

Irish Wedding
Specializes in Irish and Celtic-oriented wedding needs including gifts, rings, and accessories.