Accounting Jokes

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Accountant in Heaven

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.

After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself."

The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter.

"It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young," says St. Peter.

The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "123 years old? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40."

St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!"

An Accountant Is Having A Hard Time Sleeping

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Accountant Letter

A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

Accountants Short Jokes

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What is the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don't understand.

What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Why the accountant started smoking?
So he can deduct cigarettes from his income tax. Called it loss by fire.
So his medical expenses went above the 71/2% threshold.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.

What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he is talking to you instead of his own.

What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form?
The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor.
I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household.

How does an accountant stay out of debt?
He learns to act his wage.

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