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Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked.
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."

Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

A: Why are all those people running?
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running?

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