Wedding Jokes

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She Wanted Three Children

The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."

Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one just as if it's your own."

Honeymoon In A Log Cabin Resort

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK.

"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love".

The old man replied, "I thought so ... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window ... they're choking my ducks!"

Wedding Night

On the morning after their wedding night, the groom called down to their hotel's room service to order breakfast.

For himself he ordered one pound of bacon, twelve fried eggs, and two gallons of orange juice to restore his fluids.

For his wife he ordered a plain head of lettuce.

The clerk was surprised by the latter and said, "won't your wife be wanting anything else?" "not at this point," the groom replied, "i'm conducting an experiment to see if she eats like a rabbit, too."

Married Life Is Very Frustrating

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Driving Home

A man and his wife are driving home from a party and get pulled over by a cop.

Officer: Sir, did you know you were speeding?
Husband: No officer I didn't.
Wife: Of course you were...you were going 70, I told you to slow down.
Officer: Sir, did you realize that last light you went through was red?
Husband: No officer, I didn't.
Wife: I knew it was. I told you to stop. It was red before you even got to the intersection. I told you that you'd get caught.
Officer: Sir, does she always talk to you like this?
Wife interjects: Only when he's been drinking.

Short Wedding Jokes

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, 'OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.'

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they' re too old to do it.

Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Because I married the wrong man!

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